How to Survive the Holidays While Recovering from a Disaster
By Dr. Laurie Nadel, Ph.D.
Author of ”The Five GIfts: Discovering Hope, Healing, and Strength When Disaster Strikes” Laurie Nadel, Ph.D.
(Foreword by Dan Rather)
In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, psychotherapist Nadel lost her home and most of her material possessions. Here is an account of her holiday survival guide while recovering from a disaster.
First, let us give thanks to the doctors, first aid workers and journalists working day and night during the holidays. (“In my first job in television news, I worked about 10 days in CBS newsroom at Christmas and New Year,” says Nadel. “Working during the holidays can be stressful.) This time of year is very difficult and I am not talking about a bad hair day.”)
If you are going through a situation of loss, illness or a breakup, or if you are attending your first party after a disaster, here are some thoughts for getting through the holidays on your own terms.
1. DO NOT ISOLATE
Spend time with friends or family members who understand what you are going through in a difficult time. Recently I conducted a survey of my network of survivors of Hurricane Sandy and this was the unanimous recommendation.
2. REARRANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
It is almost impossible to avoid the bombing of commercials that propose the equivalence between love and expensive gifts. Offer a smile to someone who needs it. Smiles are free at “americangreetings.com” There are several other services too.
3. PUT THE UNNECESSARY TASKS AND OBLIGATIONS ON YOUR AVOIDABLE LIST
This one tip will help you lower your stress. Seriously, it can wait.
4. TAKE MINI-BREAKS TO RELAX
Relax with your favorite videos or music. Read a book or take a walk. Meditate. If you do not know how to meditate, you can close your eyes and imagine that you are in Hawaii. The Harvard research indicates that four mini-breaks per day, each of 5 minutes, are as effective as a 20-minute session to reduce stress.
5. OFFER YOUR HELP TO SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING DIFFICULTIES
You could send text messages, emails or call. A minute that passes offering empathy for another person will do more to uplift you during the holidays than opening gifts. Ask, “What do YOU need?” and listen. Sometimes that’s the best gift of all.
6. DONATE YOUR TIME INSTEAD OF MONEY
A year ago when her father was unemployed and I had been laid off from my job while on disability, our daughter invented “IOU“ gift coupons for Christmas and as her way of saying thanks for helping her do homework. They were creative, beautiful and came straight out of her heart. I do not remember having exchanged other ones that year. Could you offer help to someone to do a task on the computer? Shoveling snow? Go shopping at the supermarket? When one offers her time, it shows true love.
7. AVOID NEGATIVE SITUATIONS
Please don’t go to the places that will make you cry. If your home was burned to the ground, now is not the right time to visit and remember your last Christmas there. Turn off the television if watching it makes you cry. Try not to interact with friends or family members whose behavior bothers you. Seriously, they will forgive you.
8. ASK THE POWER QUESTION…?
If I do (X), will that a) GIVE me energy, b) help me CONSERVE my energy or c) DRAIN my energy? If the answer is c) DRAIN my energy, put that one on your NOT-TO-DO LIST. And don’t do it. Only you can manage and conserve your own energy. Take care of yourself and you will survive the holidays without feeling drained. (Okay, you may feel guilty but that will pass … and you will have energy for the start of a brand new year.)
9. STAY SAFE
This is a time when people often drive after having drunk too much. You should NEVER drink and drive. Make sure your electrical connections are secure so your Christmas tree does not catch fire. Cover all plugs to protect infants and children who may be visiting. Be vigilant about your health needs. Don’t eat foods that can induce allergies, diabetes or high blood pressure. It’s hard to refuse tasty desserts but nothing ruins the holidays like ending up in the emergency room.
10. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT
If you can’t go home again, try something new. Have lunch with a friend whom you have been too busy to meet. If it’s fun, plan to do it again next year. Visit someone who’s not feeling well or volunteer. If you used to enjoy singing holiday songs when you were a kid, spend an evening singing with people you love. Want a new tradition? Start a Happiness Jar. Write down one thing a day that makes you laugh or smile and put it in the jar. A year from now, open the jar and read them aloud.
